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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 23, 2016 11:40pm-12:42am EDT

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, kiefer sutherland, john olive, and music from die [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. very nice.
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i'm in no condition physically to be hosting anything other than a virus right now. last night i hosted the emmys. and it's weird -- [ cheers and applause ] weird to come back and do a regular show after doing a big thing like that. and nothing against you guys. but the audience last night was dressed much, much better. [ laughter ] there were no crocs. i didn't see anyone's toes or anything. we went to bed very late last night. last night i went to bed, also at the time it happened to be babe ruth's career batting average, 3:42 was the time i went to bed. there was a party after the show so we stayed at a hotel but it had to be at work in the morning. before bed i called down and i ask the for a wake-up call which is terrible, you have to find the phone, there's no snooze button. the phone rings, i pick it up. a chipper woman says, good morning, this is your wakeup call for 8:00. i said, thank you. she said, it's my pleasure.
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as i'm hanging up the phone i'm thinking, if it really is her pleasure to wake people up over and over again every day? kind of a sick woman, right? [ laughter ] that said, if i was the person who made the wakeup calls at the hotel, i'd tape record every one of them. [ laughter ] guillermo, you might have to take over tonight. how late were you up last night? >> guillermo: 2:00 in the morning. >> jimmy: 2:00 in the morning. you left the party at what time? >> i left maybe like 1:45. [ laughter ] no, i mean -- 2 something. >> jimmy: okay. >> guillermo: i'm still drunk. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to get our own mugs by the way. i still have "the view" mug, i mean really. i wanted to do something to get the crowd warmed up before the show so i invited three of the kids from the show "stranger things," the netflix show, to sing. they're great singers. i figured i'd have them go
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onstage and sing to get things going. somebody had to introduce them so i asked guillermo, go onstage, get everybody to quiet down, say here are the kids from "stranger things" doing the song "uptown funk." this is behind the scenes video of how that went. >> how everybody, how you guys doing? are you guys ready for the show? all right, guys. so shh -- keep it quiet. stay in your seat, all right? come on everybody. get in your seat. hi, eric. hi, how you doing? all right. shh, keep it quiet, everybody. please get in your seat, please. okay. shh, everybody. please. get in your seat, everybody. as soon as possible. the show is about to start. please. please, everybody. all right. all right, the show is about to start. but before it start, here are the kids from the "stranger things." they're going to sing, they're
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going to perform for us "the funk." "uptown funk." let's watch and enjoy the show, kids! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he really knows how to clean out a room. your wife came, did your wife have fun? >> guillermo: a lot of fun. >> jimmy: everybody had fun. it was much less stressful. this is my second time hosting the emmys. first time i was so nervous and excited, it went by like that. last night i wore two condoms and it worked like a charm. [ laughter ] here's what's fun about the emmys. last night i walked into this dinner after the show. the first thing i see is mr. belding talking to charo. if you don't know who those people are, google them, you won't be disappointed. if you didn't watch the show, watching the football game, reliving the jonbenet case, the big winner was o.j. o.j. had his best season -- [ cheers and applause ] it's weird for people to clap. "the people versus o.j. simpson"
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took home nine emmy awards. best actor, actress, supporting actor, writing, best limited series. even the ford bronco won best mid-sized sport utility vehicle. [ cheers and applause ] "game of thrones" had a good night. won best drama, set the record for most emmys won by a series ever, 38 emmys. a bunch of the actors from "game of thrones" came to our party last night. i have to admit i got a little nervous. on "game of thrones," when they have a party, people have a tendency to die violently. [ laughter ] nobody died. the most fun moment of the emmys for me was, this was something i've been planning for a couple of weeks. we were in a commercial break. we came back from commercial. i thought it would be funny to say, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome four-time emmy award winner dr. bill cosby. just to see what would happen. well, here's what happened. >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, four-time emmy award winner dr. bill cosby.
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>> jimmy: that's what i was thinking might happen. [ cheers and applause ] you know, these award shows are long. with traffic it can take -- i think it took an hour and a half for a lot of the people to get there, an hour to get in with the red carpet, the show is three hours long and there's no food. you don't eat for five or six hours. i had my mom make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for everyone, not as a joke, for sustenance, i knew people would be psyched. we give out the peanut butter and jelly. during the commercial break you hear an announcement that says, we are about to serve peanut butter sandwiches. if you have an allergy to peanuts please avoid the sandwiches. right. if you're allergic to peanuts, do not have peanuts. i don't know, i'm all for safety first, but if you can't figure that out for yourself? you might have bigger problems than being allergic to peanut butter. the sandwiches were a big hit. everybody loved the sandwiches with one exception.
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you remember the naked supermodel who danced around in the "blurred lines" video? she apparently did not appreciate my mother's cooking. >> do you want to try any of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? >> i had one too many bites. >> you did? >> i had two which i -- >> poorly made? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how dare you attack my mother's cooking. [ audience booing ] it's called food, maybe you should try some sometime. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's unacceptable. now i'm in a food feud with emily ratatouille or whatever her name is. i'm currently in a number of feuds. matt damon, who tried to ruin the show last night. maggie smith, who is on the show "downton abbey." she wins the emmy almost every year, she never shows up to get it. i called her out. i told her if she wanted it, i'd leave it in the lost and found at the theater. she responded today on twitter. she wrote, i was very astonished and pleased to win the award. i feel the emmys have been overly generous to me. if mr. kimmel could please
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direct me to the lost and found office i will try to be on the next flight. love old maggie, she wrote. well, i guess we can send it to her. [ cheers and applause ] we have a couple of real live emmy winners here on the program tonight. from the great new show "designated survivor," kiefer sutherland is here. [ cheers and applause ] from "last week tonight" on hbo, john oliver is with us. [ cheers and applause ] john won the emmy for best talk show last night. in a way john and i both won the emmy for best talk show last night. in another more specific way only john won the emmy. we'll find out what john and kiefer and everybody did after, no detail will be held back, don't worry. the iphone 7 came out friday which is a big deal and not just here in the united states. in fact, there was quite a bit of pomp and circumstance in denmark too.
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[ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, more circumstance than pomp but you understand. i have some sad news to report. if you're hoping to pick up one of those olive garden never-ending pasta passes, they're all sold out. all 21,000 passes priced at $100 apiece sold out in one second. and they're now being resold on ebay for as much as $4,500 each. you know, if you buy this, you really should be kicked off your company health care plan. [ laughter ] the deal, if you don't know, you can eat all the pasta you want for a period of seven weeks. if you don't last the full seven weeks they'll dump the remainder of the pasta into your coffin and seal you up. by the way, if olive garden really treated people like family, they wouldn't charge them for food at all. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you. hey, donald trump is still running for president. even after all the jokes last night, donald trump's still running. from time to time we like to
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slow donald down to half speed to really be able to savor his message. we've done it again in tonight's zika virus edition of "drunk donald trump." [ tape playing very slowly ] >> i see a mosquito. right now i don't like mosquitos too much. get out of here, you mosquito. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: back to the emmys. because i'm very self-absorbed. we made a video that aired at start of the emmys involving actors from a number of nominated shows and also former republican candidate for president jeb bush made -- he was great, very high energy by the way. and of course when you're acting you don't always get it right on the first take. here now are some of the many times we didn't get it right. i hate to call them bloopers because i think dick clark owns that word. here are the boners and boo-boos from last night's open at the 68th emmys.
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>> we're so pleased that you're hosting tonight's academy awards. >> the emmys. >> the emmys, oh. >> jimmy: that's for the blooper reel. let me out right here. pull over. okay, juice. my button just popped. my stomach is out. >> [ bleep ]. sorry. >> hey, jimmy, i'm joking. get out of this car. you're supposed to leave. aren't you? >> it's jimmy kimmel. i think we're about to make out. >> huh? >> got a smoke? >> oh! >> didn't go off. >> don't do it again! >> oh! >> this is when we die. >> shave that -- what am i shaving?
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shave that mug off your face! >> shave that wig. >> shave that wig off your face, you godless, shameless, stinking hippie! ♪ wake me up before you go-go ♪ don't want to listen >> i forgot to sing. ♪ want to hear that high ♪ yeah, yeah i need to go to the hospital. >> jeb exclamation point! want to do it again? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, look at this. john popper is here with us, everybody. when we come back, guillermo has all the emmy winners so come back, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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the best choice to protect pennsylvania. independence usa pac is responsible for the content of this advertising. ♪ >> jimmy: that's john popper. still to come, kiefer sutherland, john oliver, music from die antwoord. i hope you watched the emmys. most of tv's big stars were on hand and guillermo was back stage to get to know the night's winners the way no one else does. not face to face. back to back. >> how are you? >> i'm great, how are you doing? >> congratulations on your emmy. >> thank you, that's so nice. >> do you want to play a game?
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the real question. just pull the red thing. right there. then you spin the wheel. then you tell me where it landed and that's the question i'm going to ask you. >> helmets. >> how many helmets do you have? >> i have one helmet. no, i have two helmets. i just bought a new helmet. >> oh, okay. are you wearing high heels? >> i am. unfortunately, yes. >> do your feet hurt? >> do i fit who? >> your feet. >> my feet hurt, yeah. >> let me see your shoes. oh my god. i have something for you. so they can match your emmys. >> oh, yes, thank you. in my size as well. men's 8. women's 10, perfect. i can't wait to put them on currently right now. fits like a glove. >> i hear you do a lot of voices. >> i do. >> yeah, can you do one impression of me? a good voice of guillermo? >> a voice of guillermo? like this? it's kind of good, right? it sounds kind of like you. you think people would know the difference?
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>> wow, you're doing such a great job. >> thanks a lot. >> yeah. you want to play a game with me? >> sure. >> i have the wheel of questions. just pull the red thing right there. and spin the wheel. >> okay. >> then when you land, that's the question i'm going to ask you. >> okay. it's landed on money. >> on money? do you like money? >> i love money. >> how much money do you have? >> not a lot. >> not a lot? ha ha ha! me neither, ha ha ha! you like margarita? >> we do like a margarita. >> who's going to go first? >> jordan? do you want me to go first? >> are you sure there's margarita inside of this? >> it's margarita, i swear, drink it. >> all right, ready? >> do you want me to do it? >> i want you to do it. it's grossing me out. >> mm, mm! that's a cadillac. >> that's a cadillac margarita. >> grand marnier, that's good. >> now let him do it. >> he's doing it. he's got it, he's doing it. >> you feel that? >> no, i don't feel it. >> you feel the suction?
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>> no, suck it, i don't feel it. i made something just for you. just for your mom. okay? >> for my mom? >> for your mouth. >> for my mouth? >> your mouth only. >> only for my mouth? >> hold on. >> hold on? >> bring it. >> it's the longest i've ever waited for something to come into my mouth. >> ready? >> yeah. >> now, ready, suck it. >> are you going to spit in this? suck it? >> i mean drink it, sorry. >> suck it's better. i'm going to suck it. >> more. >> mm! >> no, look, it's not moving. more! >> i haven't sucked this hard in a long time. >> you know what, i think me and you can do this all night. >> yeah. we really could. i don't have anywhere else to be. >> me neither. >> okay, great. >> how strong are you? >> not strong at all. >> like how -- >> i'm an english person, i don't have much in the way of a muscle mass. i have a concave chest.
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>> i'm going to give you a test. if you open this pickle jar, this jar of pickles -- >> you're giving me the hillary clinton test? >> yeah. >> yeah? >> uh-huh. >> can i open it? >> i'll see. >> you've got to -- my hands are very greasy. >> oh my god. oh no. >> i can't open it. >> you won tonight? >> it's not strength based, is it, comedy. it's almost the opposite of that. it rewards the weak. >> congratulations on your emmy. >> thank you, baby. >> can i give you some emmy juice? >> what's emmy juice? >> tequila. >> oh, yeah, yeah. >> all right, here. emmy juice. mr. robert. >> thank you. hey, remember when i was on jimmy's show and you said, you whispered in my ear, i think you're going to win the emmy? >> yeah. >> then it happened. >> it happened. >> cheers, guillermo. >> cheers. >> felicidadas. >> felicidadas. >> love you, my man.
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>> i love you too. can i give you a head massage? >> yeah. >> it's cool, you're going to like it. oh my god, you left. you want to play the wheel of questions? >> yeah, let's do it. >> pull the red thing over there. okay. >> all right. >> then spin it and it land and you tell me and i ask you that question. >> hair. no, soup. >> do you like soup? >> i love soup. >> what's your favorite soup? >> chicken soup with rice. >> mine is clam chowder. >> red or white? >> white. >> eww. can't do it. >> thank you very much. nothing? >> nothing. >> what a cheap-ass. >> did you say cheap-ass? >> no, i said congratulations on your emmy. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: we've all had too much to drink. thank you, guillermo. tonight on the show, music from die antwoord, i john oliver is here, john popper is here, be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ at mercedes-benz, we make every vehicle to be eye-catchingly beautiful. we make them to be exhilaratingly agile. we make them to be meticulously engineered. and for the cla we also made it...for this. ♪ the 2017 cla. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. ["diggy" by ♪ ncer ludwig]
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katiejoey, ricky, eileen,hnny, me, and colleen...immy, all 10 of us raised on a policeman's salary and a mom working as a restaurant hostess. imagine trying to do that today, with washington looking out for the favored few. i'll bring a different point of view to the u.s. senate - working class roots and the mother of three, i'll put middle class families ahead of wall street.
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i'm katie mcginty and i approve this message because it's your turn to get ahead.
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♪ >> jimmy: great, john popper sitting in with the cletones. he wrote a book called "suck and blow and other stories i'm thought supposed to tell." >> salesmanship. >> jimmy: it's the story where you came to my house to watch football and rowdy rob piper -- put my friend in the sleeper hole -- >> i believe that's in there, you never know. >> jimmy: get this book, that's
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a really good story. >> yes, i've never seen a live show. >> jimmy: later on this evening, he's the host of "last week tonight" for which he won an emmy, the very funny john oliver is here. [ cheers and applause ] then all the way from johannesburg. these guys are something to see. their new album is die antwoord from the samsung stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, denzel washington will be here. minnie driver will join us. music from usher. later this week lupita new wong go, bill o'reilly, music from jake owen, please join us for all of that. emmy and golden globe winning actor, jack barr striking fear into tv terrorists, he played president tom kirkman in the new show "designated survivor." >> mr. president? excuse me but i believe you have been misinformed. >> is that a fact? >> yes.
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we have moved no such destroyers into the strait of hormuz. >> my defense department has war gamed this out. they're waiting for me to give them the green light which i assure you i will do unless you pull your destroyers back within the next three hours. >> mr. president -- >> mr. ambassador, you may not know much about me. what you should know is i'm about as straight a shooter as you're going to find in washington. you should believe me when i tell you that i do not want, as my first act as commander in chief, to attack iran. >> jimmy: "designated survivor" premieres wednesday night at 10:00 on abc. please welcome kiefer sutherland! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very presidential. >> this is my new favorite thing. >> jimmy: we don't have mugs but
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we have hoodies. >> this is my bid to become your new sidekick. i don't want to take anything away from guillermo. >> jimmy: i can become your tv vice president, maybe that's my only option here. [ cheers and applause ] >> you make the grade. >> jimmy: i saw your pilot it's great. the show is really, really great. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: are you happy with it? did you enjoy it? >> i'm happy with it to the degree that i know what i did. but i don't normally watch the stuff i film. >> jimmy: you don't like to watch yourself? >> no, i've managed to make 216 episodes of "24" and i don't think i've watched a single one of them. >> jimmy: they were really good, you would like them. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks. thank you. >> jimmy: wow. >> i don't watch them for two reasons. there's not much i can do after the fact. >> jimmy: right. >> and when i was very young, i went to a cast and crew screening of a film i did called "stand by me." >> jimmy: right, yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you very, very much. great movie. and my girlfriend at the time went with me.
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and i was absolutely horrified by what i had done in the movie. and i remember leaning over to her saying, if i don't get a job before this comes out, it's over. and she said, no, no, i think it was really good. and i remember snapping, don't patronize me! >> jimmy: wow. >> then it was the biggest hit of the summer and it changed my life. so i figured maybe i shouldn't watch the stuff i do. >> jimmy: you're very critical of yourself. do you watch other people and think, that guy was good, this woman was good? >> i write people off left, right and center. >> jimmy: i see. [ laughter ] explain the premise of the show. it is a great premise. >> "designated survivor." in the constitution there is an article that each party has to set someone aside at any state of the union or gathering of the full government in case of a catastrophe, whether it be a natural disaster, a fire. and that the line of succession for the presidency would be protected. >> jimmy: that person sits in a room? >> surrounded by the fbi. >> jimmy: right. >> and secret service. and it's viewed i think today as kind of a little bit of a
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punishment. if the acting president doesn't want you in the room or something, they make you do that. >> jimmy: time-out for politicians. >> kind of a time-out for a politician. and my character was about to be fired. and was kind of sent away to this room. and a terrorist attack happens and everybody in the capitol building was killed. and he becomes president overnight. >> jimmy: he's so excited when he comes out and everybody's dead, like yes! >> i finally did it! no, he's probably the most reluctant president you'll see. but i think he has a real belief in his service to the country. >> jimmy: it's a great character. it's really good. and your daughter, which is -- i love the show "veep" on hbo. >> me too. >> jimmy: which was a winner last night. your daughter plays the daughter of julia louis-dreyfus' character on that show. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: any possibility of a crossover family-wise there? >> no, i think the tone of the shows is so different.
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>> jimmy: that might be fun. >> maybe it will be a christmas special. >> jimmy: the show is set in washington, d.c., you shoot in toronto. you were born in toronto? >> no, i was born in england but grew up in toronto, with my mom, and i have a twin sister. >> jimmy: does your twin still live in toronto? >> she does. >> jimmy: you guys have that bond where you know if one of you stubbed your toe -- >> no, we don't, no. we don't have the telepathic thing. >> jimmy: you don't have that? >> no. >> jimmy: that's a bummer, why even have a twin? [ laughter ] >> i'll tell her you said that. she's not going to like you. >> jimmy: she already knows. [ laughter ] i'm looking forward to the show. i think it's going to be a big hit. "designated survivor." it premieres wednesday night. kiefer sutherland, everybody! n right whack with john oliver! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the microsoft cloud helps us stay connected. the microsoft cloud offers infinite scalability.
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when pat toomey went to wasworking for wall street... toomey's plan would risk social security on the stock market, lining bankers' pockets with fees from our benefits that... could total billions, even if the market crashes, and seniors lose everything. katie mcginty is working for us. a mother of three, and ninth of ten kids, mcginty knows what matters. she'll fight for equal pay, affordable college, and...
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she'll always protect social security. dscc is responsible for the content of this advertising. ii'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers.age. she's a slob. she ate like a pig. a person who's flat chested is very hard to be a 10. does she have a good body? no. does she have a fat [expletive]? absolutely. do you treat women with respect? i can't say that either. ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is a very bright and funny man who came to this country to explain how it works. he won an emmy for "last week tonight" which returns sunday to hbo. please welcome john oliver! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: you seem so far away. it's like i could almost touch it. >> so shiny, so near and yet so practically very, very far. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] not just practically either. congratulations. it pains me to say it but you definitely deserve it. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you. i've got to say your show was absolutely excellent too. it really is. you do a great job. >> jimmy: thank you very much. i appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] very fine of you to say. >> i'm just so happy to be nominated with so many other great shows. that's the honor.
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>> jimmy: can i just say that i don't think you really mean that. [ laughter ] i feel like you don't. >> yes, i do. >> jimmy: no, you don't. you don't. >> why do you say that? >> jimmy: well, i just -- because you're reading it from cue cards. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're reading off of cue cards which makes it feel less, i don't know, spontaneous. >> no, i'm not. >> jimmy: you see, you are. it says "no, i'm not" right there on the card. >> no, jimmy. i'm serious, i would not be where i am today without the pioneering efforts of shows like yours. [ cheers and applause ] right? >> jimmy: it's still, also from the card. >> i don't know what's happening, i have never been more sincere in my entire life. >> jimmy: i feel like you probably have, though. >> okay, okay, okay, i'll prove it to you.
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i will cover my eyes. okay? >> jimmy: okay. >> i watch "jimmy kimmel live" every night and i think it's terrific. there. >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's on your hand there? >> nothing. >> jimmy: wait a minute, this is written on your hand! [ cheers and applause ] you're reading that off your hand. >> yes, it is written on my hand. but it is a permanent tattoo. that is how much i love you, jimmy! >> jimmy: wow. >> i've inked my truth on my palm! >> jimmy: why don't we take a break and really express our love. >> sure. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ this is the story of fall's biggest fan. autumn was born on the first day of fall. and from an early age she learned to love the season. leaf piles and pumpkin pies. hot apple cider and cozy sweaters. which brings us to the very moment
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mmi'm talking to you,me! creamy white cheddar mac & cheese with bacon. can you feel it? you like that don't you? you taste so creamy. the little sounds your crispy bacon makes drive me crazy. you naughty little... did you just spank your lunch? yes. nice. food you want to fork. introducing devour.
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♪ >> jimmy: we're back. john oliver who won an emmy last night. you think guillermo won't snatch that? you're very, very wrong. i knew you were going to win, did you know you were going to win? >> of course not, i'm british.
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i anticipate disaster every day. no, absolutely -- also, they were doing the reading of the nominees. all the cameras left where i was to go to the middle. so i thought, it's someone in the middle has won. >> jimmy: you did? >> i didn't get to do my loser face or happy face. i didn't get to do it, i was invisible. >> jimmy: did you practice it? >> yeah, i just kind of -- what the [ bleep ]? [ laughter ] but either way. that was my reaction, good or bad. >> jimmy: when you made your speech, instead of talking and talking and thanking everyone you've ever met, you actually asked the band to play you off, which i don't think i've ever seen anyone do. >> yeah, you see when you're a little kid at awards shows, all i wanted was to be played off. that seems like the fun bit. it's when things get tense. i just wanted that to come as quickly as possible. eventually i have to say say "hit it" and they hit it. >> jimmy: it's bad to forget people, it's even worse when you not only forget them, you intentionally ran out of time.
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>> i thanked everyone i should have thanked and two people i shouldn't have done. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: at the show or afterwards was there anybody you were particularly excited to meet? >> hugh laurie. >> jimmy: really? >> i know to americans he's "house." i've not seen "house." in england he was part of pioneering comedy sketch "frey and laurie." stephen fry. a key part of my childhood. meeting him was my dream. >> jimmy: you never met him before? >> no, i've never met anyone. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's true, you're in new york. >> i live in new york, i meet people on the street and horses. sad horses. that's it. >> jimmy: and do the -- i would imagine that when you're in an environment like that you get a lot of praise from celebrities and for your work. your show not only is funny, it really is an educational show, because you teach us about things we should know about. it's embarrassing in a way to have someone come over here and explain how things like health care work. >> it's less than ideal.
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>> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> the only disappointing thing last night, other than the fact that you were amazing -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. >> you were so good. very funny. here's the thing. i was under the understanding beyonce was going to be there. >> jimmy: she was supposed to be there. >> not just there, i was supposed to be right there, two seats in front of me. ? >> jimmy: you're right, right there in front of you. >> all i was looking forward to is staring at the back of her head. four hours, watching her interact with her immediate environment. >> jimmy: i was thinking about when i was going to do, what i was going to say. with beyonce you have to talk to her, acknowledge her presence. >> the queen. you curtsy. >> jimmy: it's better than the queen, don't compare beyonce to your little queen. [ laughter ] >> you're right. technically i should be offended but it's biological fact. in every measuring way, she is better than the queen. looks better, sounds better, wears jewelry better. she's better.
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>> jimmy: the queen is not bootylicious at all. >> well, there is junk in the trunk. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in england is the emmys a big thing? are your family and friends excited? >> no, no one knows who i am. i failed in england, no one knows who i am there. >> jimmy: is that true? >> i'm guessing the coverage is going to be, who's that? isn't that the guy we all agreed was bad? what's wrong with the united states? it's going to be mystifying. >> jimmy: wow, that's something else. >> they know james corden, because he had a successful career. i failed my way to america. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. so the show comes back on sunday. >> sunday. >> jimmy: you have a new show. you have to start working. have you started working on it yet? >> no, we have some ideas. we flew our entire staff. >> jimmy: i noticed your staff was the loudest, drunkest group of people at the emmys. like a soccer hooligan group. >> most of them hadn't been to california before so they went at it hard. they were shut up away at the top of the theater.
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when the nominations came out they were cheering when our show was mentioned. the guy next to me said, wow, your show's really popular. i said, it's not, we employ all of them. that's my entire staff. >> jimmy: wow. will you consider the olive garden never-ending pasta bowl as a subject? it seems like that's right up your alley. >> does it end, though? let's take this to its logical conclusion, human death. >> jimmy: you're right, it says never-ending but it's only seven weeks long. technically you could sue them probably. >> it takes a morgan spurlock with the courage of his convictions to say, i'm going to eat this till i die to prove a point. one of us is going to blink. >> jimmy: it's very good to have you here. congratulations on the emmy. john oliver, "last week tonight" on hbo. be right back with die antwoord! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. does pat toomey speak for you? i also want to thank the nra for it's, uh, strong support for my campaign. pat toomey: he opposes an assault weapons ban and got an "a" rating from the nra. "i have had a perfect record with the nra." and on women's health? "i would support legislation in pennsylvania that would ban abortion, and i would suggest that we have penalties for doctors who perform them." pat toomey: does he really speak for you? senate majority pac is responsible for the content of this advertising.
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playing the new million in an instant gamethan with top prizes of a million bucks? winning. on the spot. (cheers) play million in an instant from the pennsylvania lottery. and you could win... on the spot! keep on scratchin' i'm really good at war. i love war in a certain way. including with nukes, yes including with nukes. i know more about isis than the generals do, believe me. nuclear, just the power the devastation, is very important to me. i want to be unpredictable, unpredictable, unpredictable, unpredictable. priorities usa action is responsible for the content of this advertising. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung.
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i want to thank kiefer sutherland, john popper, john oliver, apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first they are not breaking up, this is their album, here with the song "banana brain," die antwoord! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ baby girl you so fine ♪ so so fine you blow my mind ♪ look at you coochie-koo juicy tooshie gooshie-goo boobie one boobie two ♪ ♪ bouncing like a looney toon booty booming cookie juice ♪ you so cute like peekachoo ♪ sneaked into my lonely heart like peeka-boo now every time i think of you not by my side i dry my eye ♪ ♪ i just want to sing lullabies to my little butterfly banana brains ♪ ♪ you the apple of my eye stay with me tonight cus i'm having the best time of my life turn it up ♪ ♪ banana brains you the apple of my eye stay with me tonight cus i'm having the ♪
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♪ best time of my life banana brains you the apple of my eye stay with me tonight ♪ ♪ cus i'm having the best time of my life ♪ ♪ whassup ♪ baby boy you so cool how can i stay mad at you ♪ ♪ i love you and that's the truth you so silly you so stoopid you the best ♪ ♪ i never want you to stress everything gunna be cool wait and see just hold my hand and stay with me ♪ ♪ baby girl you been there for me through thick and thin with cool energy ♪ ♪ you care for me and defended me help me defeat my enemies life is weird ♪ ♪ it keeps testing me no other girl in the world impressing me like you do your ♪ ♪ voodoo fresh to me i just wanna be giving you the best of me everything is meant to be ♪ ♪ you were sent to me you and me got wild destiny you like a lil angel never pressure me ♪ ♪ everything you do is so zef to me i love it that's you best
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friends with me ♪ ♪ i just wanna treat your heart carefully cus everyday i feel blessed to be ♪ ♪ the one with you chilling right next to me banana brains you the apple of my eye ♪ ♪ stay with me tonight cus i'm having the best time of my life banana brains ♪ ♪ you the apple of my eye stay with me tonight cus i'm having the best time of my life ♪ ♪ stay with me tonight stay with me tonight stay with me tonight cus i'm having ♪ ♪ the best time of my life i love your energy i love it that you there for me ♪ ♪ everything is meant to be baby you were sent me ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ ♪ ♪ (sexy boyz) (fancy boyz) (play boyz) (bad boyz) ♪ ♪ (i fink u freeky) (and i like u a lot) (i fink u freeky) (and i like u a lot) ♪ ♪ (i fink u freeky) (and i like u a lot) (i fink u freeky) (and i like u a lot) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (i fink u freeky) (and i like u a lot) (i fink u freeky) (i
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fink u freeky) (and i like u a lot) ♪ ♪ ♪ left home locked in my zef zone (ready 4 da test yo) what da heck i guess so hit da overseas everybodyz headz get blown get everyfing 4 free like dr dre beats headphones ♪ ♪ when i get home i lounge on my zef throne make my mummy happy coz i get so paid making my money rapping over techno rave i can take u round da world let's go babe ♪ ♪ when i step up and do my thing i put u in a trance my zefside click got it going on i don't care what u think i do what i want i can make a million little jump ♪ ♪ jump jump jump l.a. jump ♪ jump jump jump l.a. jump ♪ jump jump jump l.a. jump
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♪ (i fink u freeky) (and i like u a lot ♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight -- don't shoot him! >> the dramatic cell phone video from showing the moments before and after police in charlotte, north carolina, fatally shot her husband. what these graphic images tell us about the shooting that is dividing a community and striking a nerve across america. plus secret rituals. >> welcome to hell week! >> the new movie that takes a brutal look at fraternity hazing. >> drink! >> we sit down with the star nick jonas. in real life hazing can and does kill. can this film be used to put an end to it? make me scared. what surprise do britney spears' sons h

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